Relationships and marriage should be fun. We all have this vision of an amazing relationship, that is, until we get into it. Then the vision starts to fade. Pressures of life take over. Work becomes important; kids are demanding; bills add up. Our focus shifts from working on an amazing relationship to just getting through this week.
Soon, someone can ask us what we want for our future life and our relationship. We answer; “Well, I hope for an amazing relationship filled with love, fun, adventure, and romance,” and, “I hope that we can get our bills and debt paid and get that promotion at work.”
But is hope enough?
Clearly, we have good intentions. There is nothing wrong with hoping that it will all fall in place one day and come together. Except, hoping doesn’t generally lead to success. Hoping might give a feeling of vision, in that we know what we want and are hopeful for attainment. But visions are met through action.
Good intentions and hope won’t yield us the results we are seeking. It is good to dream and have hope, but we must then put those dreams and hopes into motion through action. There are too many couples in relationships who are just getting by; hoping that one day they won’t fight anymore, or that they will be able to exercise together or save money together to go on a romantic trip somewhere.
In this article, I want to encourage you to shift from hope to progress. I will list 5 steps that can be taken immediately to start realizing an amazing relationship. It does take effort, and more importantly, consistency. But I can assure you it is worth it, and probably not as hard as some might think it is.
5 steps you can take immediately to start building an amazing relationship
If you are at a point in your relationship where you know it could get better but are only hopeful at this moment because you don’t know what else to do, then I encourage you to consider implementing the steps I will list below. You will need to turn these steps into questions and answer them in a way that matches your vision.
Here are the 5 steps:
- Understand what an amazing relationship means to you
- Plan to attain your vision
- Take deliberate action immediately
- Get started with fun and adventure
- Be intimate for fast progress
1. Understand what an amazing relationship means to you
I can’t tell you what your amazing relationship will entail. You must decide that. Chances are, you already know. For each of these steps, ask yourself: “What would make this relationship amazing,” “What steps can I take to work on this,” and “how can I take immediate action?”
Think these through. Try to get a thorough understanding of what each means to you. When our vision for something is clear, we can get behind it and push through. We can see the end-result and we know when we have achieved another milestone in our journey.
So, what is your idea of an amazing relationship? For me, I want my wife and I to develop a completely home-based income where we aren’t required to go to the office somewhere each day; where we can work from virtually anywhere. I want us to be able to travel and have ample time together to have fun. We aren’t there yet, but through various steps we are currently taking, we can see our goal on the horizon now.
What is it for you?
Ask your partner, too. See what their vision of an amazing relationship would look like. It is necessary to have a common goal. If you are both on board with the same plan, attainment will be much more possible, and quicker, too.
2. Plan to attain your vision
Assuming you have figured out what it is that you and your partner want, now you must build a game-plan. These are the steps you two will take to get you there.
If your amazing relationship goal is to be debt free, then debt and financial education will be the necessary tool. Attending seminars and reading books will be a good start. Making a budget and becoming overly involved in all spending activities so you can see where every, last cent is going. Learning about saving and investing; these are all steps a couple would take to educate themselves on how to climb out of debt together.
If your amazing relationship is to be able to travel to a romantic destination once per year, then learning how to save for that trip will be necessary. Getting your passport set up will be important. Perhaps even learning some of the basic language of where you are going will be helpful. Map out the whole journey ahead of time on paper. Look for any flaws in the plan and make changes.
Whatever the goal is, there will be certain things to think of and certain small steps to take. Amazing relationships are what we think they are for us. To attain an amazing relationship, we must figure out what is involved in building it that way and put it into motion.
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3. Take deliberate action immediately
Envisioning and planning are critical elements in goal attainment; but are completely useless without action. We must now consider the steps that we must take to make our dream come to reality by setting out to accomplish a small part each day.
Whatever it is; larger steps will require more days of effort to complete and multiple smaller steps might be completed in one day. Forward movement is what we are aiming for here. Focus on what must get done and keep doing that which will get you closer to that goal.
If the goal is to get out of debt to improve the relationship, then be very careful to stay away from salesmen. They will surely sell you something and the added payments will thwart your plan. It is vitally important to distance ourselves from anything that might hinder our progress.
Constant education pertaining to our desired goal will help expedite the process, too. By learning more and seeking out as much information as possible, we will surely learn tips from others who have been through this same thing, who have taken years to figure this out. We can literally save ourselves years.
If the goal is to travel but you are extremely limited in finances, then a massive step of action would be to educate yourself on frugal traveling. Look for others who write about their experiences traveling around on a shoe-string budget and find out what made it all possible. Implement that and attain similar results.
Taking action isn’t as difficult as one might think. If the task is too daunting, chances are it just needs to be broken down a bit more. Don’t focus on how many steps there are and how long it will take. Just make a choice to get through one step per day or as much as possible for that day. It will all come together quickly.
4. Get started with fun and adventure
Although our relationships might become dull because of bills and pressure and all these things, we don’t have to live in a dull state as we make changes.
Most people’s ideal perfect relationship would include paid-off-everything but will take time. So, should they focus intensely only on their goals and only live in a serious way? That is a great way to prevent a relationship from becoming great.
However, during the process of fixing up the things that aren’t perfect, we can certainly find ways to have fun. The idea here is to get maximum enjoyment out of life together while not adding to the things that are straining the relationship, such as more debt.
It is important to start looking for free, or close to free, things to do together. These would be things that are fun and interesting to both in the relationship. A simple search on the internet will yield a long list of frugal fun ideas. We might need to develop an open mind here, but I am saying there are possibilities.
Personally, getting out into nature can be a favorite for me. As long as there is something beautiful to see, like maybe a waterfall or scenic lake and mountain view, my wife enjoys it too. Often, getting a breath of fresh air in the forest or in a field somewhere away from the city is refreshing, both in our physical bodies, and our relationship too.
If it takes the focus off the difficult stuff for a bit, we can unwind and let go of some tension. In these times, it’s best if the couple can talk about fun future stuff; not stressful things of the past.
5. Be intimate for fast progress
Building an amazing relationship will require intimacy. Don’t wait until life gets better to enjoy each other. In fact, intimacy is a great way to fast-track the relationship to a state of amazing. This requires genuine love, attraction, and affection with each other – not something tasteless and thoughtless.
Find a way to make the bedroom off-limits to the stress and pressures of the world and make it the fun-zone instead. Maybe even banning social media from the bedroom would be a step in the right direction.
What about planning for a one-night stay at a hotel with a jacuzzi tub for two? It costs a few more bucks but the romantic time together is well worth it: right?
Intimacy is meant to be passionate, between two people. This means in a successful relationship the couple must be able to break away from the kids periodically. With kids, anytime intimacy gets underway, so does the constant harassment from the kids as they knock on the door to steal away more of our attention.
With kids, there is no such thing as Mommy-Daddy time. Even when they’re supposed to be sleeping, they’re not; no, they are lying in wait for us to try to have some alone time.
Kids are important, but we must remember that the relationship started between the couple; the kids came later. We can’t forget that the couple needs just as much attention as the kids do. It helps the kids feel secure when they know and can see their parents are in love. It might not be possible to get alone time together with kids in the house, so get creative; send them away for the night!
Maybe there is a mom or a sister who would love to take them for a night? Perhaps, there is someone else who is trustworthy to watch them for a night?
If an amazing relationship is the goal, a couple in-love must be the theme. Lots of love, hugs, kisses, encouragement, compliments, thoughtful gifts, and attention are all necessary here. Finances, work, and parenting are only a few parts of the relationship; we can’t forget to have some hot, steamy fun, right?
Hoping for an amazing relationship is not enough. Hope is an action word, but in real life, it won’t yield the right results. Deliberate, consistent action daily to accomplish another step in your goal will absolutely yield the right results. Don’t forget to include fun and intimacy while correcting other issues and working towards a goal.
Make a deliberate choice to take immediate action. Know what you want in a relationship and start working for it today. There won’t ever be a better time. Make room in the schedule; make room in the financial budget; whatever it takes. Just as hope won’t get you there, neither will excuses.
Your most amazing relationship is only steps away; how bad do you want it?
If you have any ideas that will be helpful for other couples, please share them in the comments.
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How to get your spouse to hear you, by Mort Fertel.