How To Not Be A Victim Of Your Past

How To Not Be A Victim Of Your Past

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Throughout life, we encounter various people and situations. Some are really great experiences, and some, not so much. When we experience hardships or abuse of any sort, we can be left feeling like a victim; even for many years afterwards.

Sometimes, when there is a person who hurt us, we can get distance from them and we can move on. Sometimes, the person who did the damage is ourselves. The decisions we made over time can leave us living a hard life; one where we experience lack, limitations, and uncertainty.

What can cause us to make such choices that lead to this kind of living? Often, it has much to do with our upbringing and what we learned from those around us. We can always learn something from someone; unfortunately, it’s not always good.

Related: 3 Habits That Will Quickly Improve Your Life

If we grow up in an abusive home, it can wear off on us and we might become abusive as well. This can leave us in some pretty tough situations. If we grow up around alcohol or drugs, it is very possible that we will succumb to the same life. And, maybe we grew up where there was a lack of love and hugs and respect, and instead, physical and mental abuse which left us with very low self-esteem and confidence.

Whatever the case, it is important to realize that we don’t need to remain and live as a victim from our past. It can be hard to imagine ourselves accomplishing big goals and becoming important people, but it is possible. It is a mindset, and we must learn to take complete control of it.

We must choose not to live as a victim, but as a confident, successful individual

Whatever the situation was that led us to a point of defeat and pain, we must realize that it is behind us now. If we want to move past the victim-life, then we must not see ourselves as a victim anymore. This means that we likely have to take on a new way of thinking, of functioning, and even might require us to change how we socialize with others.

In this article, I will list 3 ways that a person can move from feeling like a victim to feeling like a confident warrior.

These are:

  • Seek wisdom, knowledge, and understanding
  • Build a new lifestyle with new habits
  • Change from having negative, fear-led thoughts to thoughts of possibility, accomplishment, and success

1. We must seek wisdom, knowledge, and understanding

Often times, when we have lived a certain way, such as; in defeat, as a victim, or in fear, we take on a way of thinking that isn’t helpful for moving forward. This old way of thinking is one-tracked and will keep us in a rut.

The only way to change this way of thinking is to make some deliberate choices to change the way we think. This is something that will take time to become the normal way, but, it is necessary to start sooner than later.

When we seek out wisdom, knowledge, and understanding, we are looking for things that relate to our situation. We need to seek understanding of who we are, what our situation is, what led us to this point, how it is currently affecting us, and whether or not we are ready for change.

We need to seek out knowledge from others who have been in our shoes, who have prevailed, and who are now sharing their experiences and knowledge with others, so they can break out of that situation too. This is necessary as it is easier to try new, uncomfortable things when we know that others have done it too and they are giving the exact steps they had to take.

Once we have an understanding and some knowledge that this is possible for us and we know the steps to take, we must move forward doing so. We gather wisdom along the way as we seek more knowledge, think about the things we did before and what circumstances they yielded us, and we can also gain wisdom from others whom we seek help from.

This new-found wisdom and knowledge will be useful in keeping us on a straight path towards our new lifestyle.

2. Build a new lifestyle with new habits

Side view of serene woman sitting on sandy beach against blue sky outdoors

As we go about making changes to our thinking, we must also make changes to our lifestyle too. We must use any wisdom we can muster up to be constantly thinking, “if I do this, what is the outcome; will it help my situation or hurt it?”

This is necessary because we can’t afford to just cruise along and hope things work out. The fact is, if we continue to make the same mistakes we made in the past, we will continue to reap the same consequence we received in the past.

So, it is very important to make positive changes to how we live, and possibly, who we hang out with.

If we set up a new routine to follow each day and stick to that, it will become a new habit very soon. This new routine and habits could be how we handle money, what time we wake up and what we do immediately as we wake, and how much time we spend with certain people.

It might even include changes such as; who we allow into our lives and what influence they will have on us, and how we will handle hurtful comments and situations from others that remind us of the past. The last thing we want to do is put ourselves into a new situation that leads to us feeling like a victim again.

It is at this point, when we are setting up and mapping out our new lifestyle, that we must set boundaries. We must only let into our lives the people and situations that will help us meet our goals and visions.

3. Change from having victim type, negative, fear-led thoughts to thoughts of possibility, accomplishment, and success

For this third point, we must keep addressing our way of thinking. This is important because more often than not, feeling like a victim, acting as such, living as such, and accepting a life of defeat is all a result of our thinking. In some situations, people truly are living trapped lives by abusive people, and their only hope will be to break free as soon as they can.

I am trying to address those who have stepped forth in life, who want to take control of their lives now and not live that way anymore.

Regardless, we must change our style of thinking so that we don’t get lost feeling overwhelmed and defeated again. Fearful thoughts, things that remind us of undesirable experiences from the past, and thoughts of doubt will all creep into our minds occasionally; sometimes more than we would wish. We need to be able to cope with these thoughts in a positive manner that will allow us to stay on the right track.

Related: How To Keep Motivated When The Going Gets Tough

If we give into these thoughts, we might be left in a bad situation for some time. If, however, we learn to replace any of these types of thoughts with positive thoughts reinforced with true facts, and refuse to listen to or believe false thoughts, we can keep standing and moving forward.

The more we are strong and don’t give in, the better we will get at discerning between these thoughts and whether they are true of us or not.

This will seem like a never-ending battle, but it will get easier. And, you will be better for it.


Think of where you want your life to be, constantly monitor your steps, don’t beat yourself up when you make a mistake, and keep moving forward; this is how you will get there. Don’t spend any time thinking or believing that it isn’t possible for you. That is just the inner, limiting-beliefs trying to keep you down.

Use the steps in this article to help get you started and make the changes you need to fit your situation. We are all capable of living successful, victorious, and free lives. We don’t need to live like a victim anymore. It is time to switch our way of thinking from, “why did all this happen to me”, to, “I am in complete control of my life and am well on my way to an amazing future”.

Good luck!

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How to Not Be a Victim of Your Past

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4 thoughts on “How To Not Be A Victim Of Your Past

  1. This is a validating read! Almost everyone could feel trapped by their past, but learning to move forward with new, healthy habits is a positive solution.

  2. Thank you!! This is such an important topic. Our past must not define us. We have to do anything we can to move on and create our best future, that’s all we have. Great read!

  3. This is very inspiring, I feel like I have been a victim my whole life because of different traumas and I never got passed it. I will turn to this post from time to time to read and take it in and go on a better path.