Couples who play together, stay together. The question is: how can couples be romantic and intimate with each other when life is busy and hectic, and the romance has died?
This is part two in my two-part article about recreating romance in the relationship. I am offering thirty ways for the couple to ignite a spark of passion and intimacy and gain back control of their love-life. Read on to see my second list of ideas for setting the mood.
In the first part, I shared reasons why couples fall out of romance, why it’s important to maintain romance, and what they can do to get the romance back. This article is a continuation and will offer another fifteen methods for being romantic together and enjoying each other.
It is unfortunate to see couples become overwhelmed and consumed by the struggles and pressures of work and life and see their relationships fall apart as a result. We are supposed to unite together and create a bond that holds us together when things get difficult.
Sadly, many end up attacking each other after a difficult day instead of embracing each other for support and much-needed affection. Why does this become commonplace for many couples? I believe we allow our focus to go the wrong way and when we reunite with our partner after a long day, we are reminded of what they did wrong instead of why we love them.
I am always encouraging readers to create a relationship with our partner where we can come home and have a big pile of good emotions surface when we see them. This isn’t a difficult thing. Instead, it just comes down to associating our partner with love and kindness and letting go of their past mistakes and wrongdoings.
Create an environment of love and affection
Whether man or woman, we need love and affection. The man says, “I don’t need love; I need respect.” Well, call it what you want, but it’s loving-respect. We, as men, want to be heard and we want to have some authority and be shown respect because we are tough and manly, right? Well, sure. But we can’t go very long without the loving touch of a kind woman.
The same goes for our women; they have an innate desire to be loved and treated with kindness and affection. If either of us goes without these things, we develop turmoil inside and start to develop a feeling of emptiness.
However, there are some simple things we can each do throughout the days that will fill these needs for both in the relationship, but we must be willing to set aside our own stuff and put them first.
It is as simple as starting the day off by telling them “I love you” and giving them a kiss and hug. We should learn to always greet and see off our partners this way. Constant affection helps build confidence within the relationship.
Pitching in and being helpful are ways to lighten the load of our partner. By taking up some slack and giving them breaks to have some personal time, we show our love for them. Not every partner will say when they are overworked, so we must learn to pay attention and understand the signs of fatigue that they show and give them a much-needed break periodically.
When we are relaxed and not over-pressurized, we are more enjoyable. It is very difficult to be fun and adventurous when we are on the verge of a breakdown. Get in tune with your partner’s state and help them find ways to relax and unwind.
Work hard to build trust and security
Relationships with broken trust and insecurity will struggle every day. Just about every action will be grounds for investigation, and this is no way to build an amazing relationship.
Instead, whether there are trust issues or not, we must constantly be working to create an environment where our partner feels safe and secure with us. We can learn to build each other up and make them feel like they are the most important in our life. This means doing what we say we are going to do, being honest about where we’ve been and what we’ve been doing and who we’ve been hanging around.
I bring this up in this article only because it is very difficult to have a romantic relationship when there are trust issues and insecurity. If there is such a thing in a relationship, the couple must get to work on repairing the relationship and rebuilding trust.
If this is left undone, the relationship stands to dissolve instead of growing. It takes time to grow trust, so take it seriously and avoid any actions that can break that trust. We often know when we are crossing a line, and it’s at that point that we must do the right thing.
If our partner isn’t filling our needs, talk to them about it. Instead of embracing another, work with them to find a solution. Between these two articles I have written, I have listed thirty ways a couple can get creative together and create some romance.
If there are trust issues, work to build up the confidence through attention and affection and consistency. Find ideas, such as the ones I list, and make them a normal part of life. Even when we have made mistakes or neglected our relationship to a point of dullness, we can revive it through effort and attention.
15 Things couples can do to revive the romance and set the mood
In this second part, I am going to list another fifteen ways for a couple to get inspired for intimacy. Again, these are not in any particular order. If we are willing to try new things and have an attitude of fun and possibility, these ideas will be useful for many couples; even struggling couples.
Couples who have gone without romance for a great period of time might feel awkward doing some of these, however, start with talking about things that you like about each other and build on that. Leave out anything that is negative or stirs up negative memories. Instead, start learning how to fantasize about having good times together in romantic settings and be descriptive with each other.
In time, this will become a fun exercise and the romance will come back into the relationship. It will always come down to focus; focus on past mistakes and hardships and tension will set in, or, focus on all the bests of each other and dream up an amazing future together and sparks will fly. Even if it is just a dream or fantasy, it’s about having fun and getting lost in each other.
Here are the second 15 ways to spark some romance:
- Go on a romantic relationship retreat
- Talk over dim lights and romantic music
- Lie on a blanket under the stars
- Have a steamy shower together
- Be affectionate and loving
- Feed each other sensual foods
- Give each other sensual massages
- Go camping together without distractions
- Be a bit risky and dangerous
- Spend a weekend at a ski lodge
- Place love notes here and there
- Embrace the sexy lingerie
- Describe what you would like to do to them
- Be cuddly and touchy
- Get a bit naughty with props
1. Go on a romantic relationship retreat
In the first article, I mentioned a couple’s cruise to spark romance. This is an addition in that there are local retreats that take place in our communities that we can attend during a weekend.
Sometimes, these are held at churches and the couple just goes for several hours each day, and sometimes, they are held at hotels and the couple gets a room and stays for the weekend. Sometimes, these events are held in tropical locations and they are done over the course of a week in some exotic location.
Whatever it is, these are good for picking up useful tools for the couple to use to get closer and grow in love and intimacy. There are often guest speakers and workshops for the couple to attend and learn.
If money is a concern, the local churches are a great place to start. Go in and ask the staff if they have any information on marriage or relationship retreats coming up. Most are in the know and will be able to point you in the right direction.
The church retreats are often less than a hundred dollars to attend, and when money is very tight, there is often a couple there who will sponsor (pay for) other couples to go.
2. Talk over dim lights and romantic music
Sometimes, just sitting in a darkened room with soft music playing is a nice way to enjoy an evening together. It doesn’t have to be a special place. The conversation and interaction are what make it special.
Just engage in dedicated enjoyable conversations with each other about topics that are pleasant. This whole article encourages pleasant conversation and asks us to avoid heavy topics. I realize that life isn’t always perfect, and we can’t always have great conversations. I have other articles that encourage heavy talks, but this one is about having fun.
So, when it comes to trying to fit some romance into our relationships, be sure to make it about good conversation topics and being encouraging to one another.
3. Lie on a blanket under the stars
Okay, so I love the country and I have a thing for starry skies. Not everyone will share a passion for this same activity, but if you don’t try, how do you know?
Getting out into the countryside somewhere or setting up camp on a mountainside can put us in a great view of the stars above.
Often, the city lights drown out the starlight, so we only get to see a few stars on the clearest nights. If you and your partner do find yourselves out in a remote area away from the busy city, take some time to do some star-gazing.
Even if you don’t camp, a couple can drive their truck or car out to the country area and lay on top of the vehicle. Just lie there closely and chat about pleasant things. Again, not the right time to go over the family budget.
Pick appropriate conversations and get lost in the moments together.
4. Have a steamy shower together
If pressed for time in the morning, be careful with this one. One thing often leads to another here. But if time isn’t an issue, jump in the shower together and help each other scrub their backs.
Soap is just as fun as massage oil. I’m telling you, relationships require playfulness. I am doing my best to keep this article as close to G-rated as possible.
The idea is that we must be willing to separate from the chaos of life and enjoy each other in all situations. Not all relationship activities need to be serious or proper, nor do they need to be all intimate and sexual.
Find a good balance and do what feels good and right. Be respectful of each other and be sure to fill the needs of each other. Don’t hold back or hold out on the other.
I believe there are too many relationships that are going stagnant because the couple is stuck in a certain rut of only doing things this way or at such and such time.
Get spontaneous and have some fun. Be adventurous and explore each other.
5. Be affectionate and loving
How often should a couple hug and kiss and tell each other “I love you?”
I would venture out to say more than twice a day. Once in the morning and again in the evening is better than not but try not to get stuck in a meaningless routine.
I have said a few times in my articles, the more we hug and kiss and say kind and loving things to each other, the more confident we will become in the relationship. We will grow in love and attraction for each other and we will gain a tighter bond together.
Also, if there are kids in the household, this is good for them to see as it shows them what a loving relationship looks like in this role-model-impoverished society we live in.
Aside from these, lots of hugging and kissing makes intimacy much less awkward. And, that’s the idea; we want love, romance, and intimacy to feel natural and easy in the relationship.
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6. Feed each other sensual foods
This might border on a fetish, but that’s not completely my intention here. The idea of feeding each other sensual foods is a long-standing tradition for many playful couples.
Strawberries and chocolate, whipped cream, fruit, and even other foods are known to be of the aphrodisiac variety which is also known to induce certain sexual desires and moods.
If foods combined with intimacy isn’t your thing, I understand. But it is for many and I think that many folks can better enjoy their time on a satisfied stomach, so why not multi-task?
I cautioned in the first article about trying new and interesting foods from other cultures in that if we aren’t accustomed to certain ingredients, we risk having digestive issues that will thwart any romantic plans. So, take caution and do some research first.
7. Give each other sensual massages
Do we need to be a professional masseuse to give our partner a massage? Not necessarily. If in doubt, don’t be too rough and tell them to speak up if it isn’t pleasurable.
Massages are an easy way to help our partner unwind and feel good. It’s even better for them when we don’t expect on in return. Of course, we want one in return, but it’s best when we don’t make them feel like they have to pay back the favor.
This gives them some time to let loose and feel good. We are often both under pressure to some degree, so anytime we can do something nice like give a massage, we help them to be in a better position.
This is a good way to show that we love them and are concerned about them. And hey, if you want to steer the situation into something a bit more steamy, then later in the massage towards the end, be a bit touchy-feely and spike some arousal in them.
By then they will be quite relaxed and warmed up. Progressing into something more intimate will be easy at this point.We have found an awesome site for learning couples massage that is "PG" and highly recommended for connecting with your partner Melt:Massage for couples and don't forget to pick up massage oil: Melt Sensual Massage Oil + Free Couples Massage Tutorials.
8. Go camping together without distractions
Even when we have kids, it’s possible to get a relative to watch them for the weekend for us to go camping together alone. The alone part is the key here. If we want to be interrupted every three minutes we can just stay home, right?
Kids are great, but they can wear a couple down. They don’t care that the couple once had each other to themselves; now the adults belong to the kids.
Same with social media; it is taking over relationships and people’s lives at an alarming rate. Camping is a great way to unwind and relax. Light a campfire and roast some food together. Talk about whatever is on your minds and think of good things to keep the conversation flowing in a positive way.
Cuddling up in a tent is romantic for many. I suppose there are some city folk who would rather the RV. I guess this is okay too. The idea is to get out and alone and do something out of the ordinary together. Ditch the electronics as best as possible and try to get entertainment from one another and your surroundings.
9. Be a bit risky and dangerous
Alright, I will start by saying there are laws that protect citizens from seeing certain things that can’t be unseen. So, this point isn’t about crossing that line.
Rather, it’s about being a bit dangerous. It’s about pushing the acceptable limits on kissing in a public place or getting past a couple bases in the car. But be sure to keep it tasteful. The idea here is that being a bit naughty is kind of hot.
This is a great way to get your partner fired up, and maybe a great way to get some dirty looks from others.
There is a time and place for everything. We can push limits and ride the boundaries, but we must be respectful to others too. If something is escalating too far, best to retreat back to the room, right?
10. Spend a weekend at a ski lodge
Why did I pick a ski lodge for this point? Well, perhaps I’ve seen too many movies where there is a beautiful ski lodge perched high up on a mountain. Inside is several sofas surrounding a floor-to-ceiling stone fireplace. The couples are all sitting close together enjoying hot cups of hot chocolate and enjoying the warmth of the fire after a great day of skiing.
Okay, so I’ve also enjoyed this kind of setting in person. These places do exist in reality too.
It is common for couples to take vacations at ski resorts in the winter. Some of these places have nice cabins that can be rented and hot tubs that can be enjoyed.
Many of the rooms have fireplaces too where the couple can once again, throw down a blanket and enjoy the warmth and crackling of the fire while enjoying each other’s company.
Oh, and because skiing is fun too!
11. Place love notes here and there
Have you ever been on a scavenger hunt? Even better, have you ever led your partner on a romantic scavenger hunt?
This is where we place a note in an obvious spot that provides them with a clue to the next spot, and so on. At the end, wherever your hunt leads, there will be some sort of prize that they can enjoy.
Also, we can just show that we love our partner and stick notes that say stuff like: “I love you,” “You’re so hot!” “I can’t wait to see you tonight,” and so on.
This is a fun way to surprise our partner with little notes of affection and adventure that are sure to lead to more.
Sometimes, the note is a great pick-me-up for when our partner is having a rough day. We can send them a nice text on the phone and remind them that they are loved and appreciated and that we look forward to seeing them later.
12. Embrace the sexy lingerie
What kind of romantic article would this be if I didn’t suggest the use of sensual clothing?
Not every couple is interested in this, but this is surely a good way to set a mood. Obviously, this is an action on the woman’s part, but it’s generally quite effective.
If this is an everyday occurrence, it might not have the same effect as if it only happens once or twice a month. Whatever works for the couple is best.
There are so many designs that one can find the perfect match for their body and relationship. Don’t be afraid to spice things up and bring some heat back into your relationship.
13. Describe what you would like to do to them
This is a play on the “fantasize about your partner” idea. Some couples enjoy such conversation where they talk about how the intimacy will play out and what they would like to do to them. This depends on the couple as not all will feel comfortable doing this.
Be sure to know your partner and if this is right within their comfort zone, then this is a great way to inspire intimacy for sure.
14. Be cuddly and touchy
Even when we are just sitting on the sofa watching television or a movie, we can get close and cuddle. As one thing often leads to another, some well-placed hand movements can lead to more. Pick an appropriate movie that encourages romance and see where the night ends up.
Some couples don’t like too much cuddling and if this is the way your relationship is, then skip this step and move on.
But it is important to realize that light caressing feels nice and is quite enjoyable for most. Be respectful and I’m sure there won’t be too much complaining.
15. Get a bit naughty with props
Okay, so leaning a bit on the edge of fetishes again, getting naughty with props can mean different things to different couples.
For the sake of my example, I am going to limit this to some light playfulness; perhaps a couple soft ties and a blindfold can leave our partner feeling quite vulnerable and helpless.
This can really excite the mind and induce some strong feelings of arousal. Be respectful here and let them loose if there is any discomfort. The idea is to have fun and be adventurous. This is an activity that might be out of the comfort zone for some.
However, if it just comes down to feeling like this is a bit too dirty for this relationship, then be sure to talk that out with your partner. The relationship is very private, and the intimacy should involve what both are very comfortable with. So, if this isn’t something that a couple wants to explore, skip this step and try the many others.
I hope I have included some helpful information in this two-part article. There are many couples who struggle to maintain a healthy relationship and the ideas that I have laid out are just what they need.
Sometimes, the hard part isn’t engaging in playful behavior; it’s putting the past difficulties and hardships behind us long enough to enjoy each other and show attraction to our partner.
Whether there is a struggle in your relationship or not, I encourage couples who read these articles to try some of the ideas that I’ve posted. Keep an open mind. There is no good reason why a relationship shouldn’t be romantic and intimate and enjoyable. Separate out the stressful clutter from the necessities of each other work to fill those needs.
If you have any helpful tips or stories for others to enjoy, please leave a comment below. If you missed part 1 to this two-part article, click here.
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How to get your spouse to hear you, by Mort Fertel.