Many people enter relationships hoping to find fulfillment and joy. However, the reality is that most get weighed down by the heaviness of life. So, what can we do to make our relationships more exciting?
Relationships of any sort are best enjoyed when they are fun, adventurous, spontaneous, growing, and inspiring. This article digs even deeper to expose more ways to bring a relationship from boring to exciting.
When we start a relationship with someone, we have a mutual belief that it will be a great and rewarding relationship. We can dream of the future and what it will be like; what house we will have, how many kids there will be, and what places we would travel to.
So, what happens that this well-intended plan goes wrong for so many?
Well, stuff like work and bills and other pressures of life creep in and take over. Soon, we don’t get enough sleep at night and are simply fighting to stay productive throughout the day. The chances of coming home after a long day of work to try and grow a relationship are low. We are spent and might even believe that next week will be a better time to worry about the relationship.
What we don’t always realize is that anytime we put something off, it generally comes with a cost.
The cost, in this case, is a dull relationship that might even include fighting because of stress and tension. Instead of the relationship being enjoyable and fulfilling, it becomes one more stressful part of the day.
Well, this article looks to combat this and turn things around.
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10 ways to make your relationship exciting and meaningful
In my twenty-plus years of marriage to my wife, we have experienced many different situations. Sometimes we had fun and sometimes we fought. Relationships won’t always be perfect and fulfilling, and I won’t try to tell anyone that they will be.
However, there are some practices we can employ which can help us make the most of our time with our partner and leave us with more memories of good than bad.
Some will look at this list and say, “We don’t have time to fit any of this into our busy life.” Well, without some creativity, that statement might be true. But we must understand that we have the ability to alter our schedules and we can also choose to be optimistic or pessimistic.
If we look at our life right now, is there anything that we do in the day that is meaningless and unfulfilling? Is there something we do that wastes time or some way that we have over-obligated ourselves?
It is both possible and important to examine our daily structure carefully and make a choice to engage in the activities that create better results for the future. If it doesn’t, we must consider tossing it to the curb.
By doing this, we can effectively free up some time to do more meaningful things; like, work on building an amazing and exciting relationship. Also, we must look for ways to interlace a flourishing relationship with other daily life-obligations so that the relationship can get as much attention as possible.
This list is general, and a couple could certainly investigate each topic further and find creative ways to incorporate these into their own situation.
- Make the relationship memorable
- Have fun as much as possible
- Be romantic on any occasion
- Get out and be adventurous
- Being spontaneous is exciting
- Plan something big each year
- Have a growing relationship
- Be an inspiring couple
- Make good choices together
- Have a plan for everything
1. Make the relationship memorable
It is important to make the most of our time here on earth. We are wise to find someone to share life with and do things together. We can look at our life like it’s a scrapbook; a collection of experiences that tell a tale.
Many relationships suffer because they lack memorable experiences that are good and fulfilling. With so many pressures in life, we can shift our focus from building a good relationship to the other areas such as work and building finances or stressful things like debt and poor circumstances.
Like anything, relationships can be made better simply through perspective and optimism. We can look at the relationship as a struggle because of big bills and constant bickering or we can look for the good in the relationship and start expanding on that.
We should work to get better and advance when we are at work, and when we are at home, we should work to build a better relationship. It is good to make the most of each situation and be wise about what interlaces with what. In most instances, work is better left at work and not brought into relationship time.
If we can be strict about this, we can open more opportunities together to engage in and create meaningful memories through various activities.
For example, if we go on a camping trip and bring our work, we won’t be focused on making the trip memorable. But if we make the choice that we will leave the laptop at home and disconnect from the world for a couple nights to spend time with our loved ones, the time will be more fulfilling.
Every experience leads to a memory; not every memory is worth talking about. Make good memories that are worth talking about.
2. Have fun as much as possible
Having fun in a relationship can mean many things. In its simplest form, relationship fun would be anything that causes a couple to laugh together and get a positive emotion from the experience.
Too many relationships get overrun by the stresses of life. Instead of engaging in fun activity, we fight and vent on each other. We must understand that engaging in fun activities is a productive and positive way to lower stress levels and unwind.
It is necessary to have important talks with our partner, but it isn’t necessary to allow the conversation to escalate into an all-out dispute. We can effectively make our relationships a fun-zone by agreeing and working together to keep the stressors at bay.
This means, when something stressful comes up, instead of taking it out on our partner, we ask our partner to help us deal with the stressor. If in finances, such as debt and not enough money for bills, work with your partner to find solutions instead of just fighting because there isn’t enough money.
Once a solution is found, look at it in a positive way as it is now being corrected. We can have fun during hard times. I know this through experience. But it’s a choice.
If you are struggling to find ways to have fun with your partner here are a few ideas to help get you two started:
Cook fun meals together, watch romantic movies, play board games or cards, host a neighborhood BBQ party, exercise together, go relax in a hot tub, make use of the local events; carnivals, markets, concerts, competitions, local fireworks, and take pictures; fun and even silly pictures, and lots of them.
3. Be romantic on any occasion
Bringing our partner flowers on Valentine’s or taking them for a nice dinner on their birthday are the obvious things we should be doing in our relationships. But who said that romance should only happen on special occasions?
Any flourishing relationship is going to be filled with romance and intimacy. There isn’t a special time for this. Rather, each day is a great time to practice this.
We can be romantic by opening a car door for our partner; we can share a candle-lit bubble bath in the evening for no particular reason; we can dress up in our best fashion or put on something sexy for our partner to encourage attraction and intimacy; and, we can give each other sensual massages with scented oils – even on a Wednesday.We have found an awesome site for learning couples massage that is "PG" and highly recommended for connecting with your partner Melt:Massage for couples and don't forget to pick up massage oil: Melt Sensual Massage Oil + Free Couples Massage Tutorials.
What is important to know about growing strong relationships is that the relationship can’t be neglected; especially romance and intimacy. If we are in the habit of being affectionate and romantic as often as possible, this will induce a greater sense of love and security.
The relationship includes many factors such as communication, intimacy, relationship goals, experiences, and daily tasks. However, we can’t put too much emphasis on one area and neglect another area.
If your relationship is dull and undesirable, start with finding ways to be romantic and intimate together. By engaging in things that lead to intimacy or by lots of hugging and kissing and saying, “I love you,” you and your partner can effectively fall back in love or deeper in love.
Words of encouragement and nice gestures are romance and intimacy builders; harsh words and bringing up old mistakes and memories are romance and intimacy killers.
We must create the right environment for romance and intimacy to grow and thrive, and this should be worked at daily.
4. Get out and be adventurous
In addition to finding fun things to do, we should also do adventurous things to spike excitement in the relationship. For these examples, I am suggesting things that bring us out of our comfort zones of our home and into the outdoors of our community environment.
These might include getting out into nature and doing stuff like hiking, kayaking, biking, running, exploring, and sight-seeing. Also, try thrilling things like going down huge waterslides or across high suspension bridges or white river rafting; this all depends on where you live.
Some less adrenaline-filled activities might include trying new restaurants or foods that we might not normally try. For my wife and I, we tend to keep going back to the places we’ve been. We know what to expect and rule out the chance for disappointment this way. However, by doing this, we have missed out on many great new things.
Instead of getting stuck in the rut of only going to one restaurant and ordering the same burger every time, try something daring; order something spicy, drive to another town to try a highly recommended place. Yes, it’s possible that we might be disappointed, but it’s also possible that we will stumble across a new favorite.
One more thing we can do to be adventurous is to get out into the community. We can find out what things go on in our communities by visiting the city’s website. Sometimes, there are various events or clubs that we can participate in that will give us a new experience in our relationship. But we won’t know if we don’t investigate and step out with courage.
5. Being spontaneous is exciting
This is something often overlooked by couples. In time, everything finds its time and place; romance on anniversaries and Valentine’s, fun on vacations, pizza on Friday, gifts on birthdays and Christmas.
This leads to a relationship of monotony and boredom. What would happen if we had pizza on a Tuesday, or got romantic on a Thursday morning before work, or met up with our partner on their lunch break to grab a bite?
Well, some might be surprised to know that stirring up a boring schedule leads to fun. When we are in the dating phase of the relationship, everything is fun and interesting. We are asking questions and learning new things about our partner. Everything has meaning.
Later, after we get to know our partner, our focus shifts in various ways. For some, the focus moves to the wrong or annoying things the other does, for others, the focus moves away from the partner altogether towards work or something. This causes a negative experience for the relationship.
Instead, by choosing to have fun with our partner and throwing the schedule out of whack, we can make things interesting and exciting.
What would happen if for no apparent reason you wrote out a list of reasons why you love your mate and gave it to them just to encourage them, or went out of your way to do a task that they would normally do so they could have some free time or cooked an all-out fun meal just because?
What would happen is the relationship would gain one more good memory and the love and confidence of the relationship would grow. Having fun, being adventurous, and breaking away from our mundane schedules are effective ways to promote and encourage an exciting relationship.
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6. Plan something big each year
For most, the couple works and does what is necessary to pay the bills and maintain the household. Most couples also get time for a vacation away from their jobs each year for a couple of weeks. However, not all couples go on vacations during their vacation time.
This might be because of tight finances or conflicting vacation times; sometimes, coordinating time off between couples can be difficult. Another reason couples don’t go anywhere during their vacation days is because they fail to plan something.
My wife and I are guilty of this. When the time for vacation days comes along, we use the time to catch up on other chores and obligations. We take a break from work to do more work.
Sometimes, we say, “There’s no money to go anywhere.”
This might be true, but with careful planning and consistency, we can set aside a small amount of money each month to go towards a proper vacation escape.
Vacations can be done on the cheap, and don’t require us to rack up big debt. This is a choice. Some want an elaborate experience, while others can get a ton of value on a shoe-string budget.
Regardless of what type of vacations a couple prefers, planning ahead is key.
When we plan the trip early, we can see various advantages. We can get in on early-bird discounts, we can book during off-season times to save big and enjoy less-crowded areas, we can come up with more creative adventures, and we can start saving well in advance with a certain limit in mind.
If we don’t plan, we might still try to take a vacation, however, it will be rushed. By rushing, we risk forgetting to bring certain things, we don’t research and miss out on experiences, and we generally pay more for last-minute purchases.
7. Have a growing relationship
To have a growing relationship, we must be continually growing. If we want something to grow, we must feed it. Our relationships like food such as; positive conversation, relationship-building education, spontaneous love and romance, encouragement, respect, trust, and honesty.
These are things that we must work at daily if we want to see growth.
If we have anger issues and go around angry all the time, we can be sure that the relationship will suffer to some degree. Does this mean that the relationship needs to undergo some form of improvement?
No. It means that the grumpy person needs to undergo some form of improvement. By doing this, the relationship can benefit from a better mood and attitude.
On the relationship side, if there is no intimacy or communication, this is something that needs attention and will require both to work on the improvement.
Whatever it is, we can always strive to become better. As a couple, look for ways to learn to grow the relationship and apply those techniques often. Even working through a relationship workbook each month will help the couple learn and develop certain tools that will help them get through difficult times that might present themselves periodically.
Lean on each other for support in growing. Self-discipline and setting new habits are difficult. Fortunately, there are two in a relationship; one can encourage the other and help them succeed.
Whatever we put into the relationship, we get out. Learn new skills and find as many ideas as possible for building strong relationships as this is the best defense against a monotonous and stagnant relationship.
8. Be an inspiring couple
“They’re watching us”
Okay, that was a little creepy, but they are. Who is watching us? Everyone.
When we are in a relationship, others are watching to see what we are doing; are we having more fun than them? are we romantic? Are we more likely to stay together then they are?
We can be inspiring to others simply by developing a relationship built on love. The idea isn’t to try to create a relationship that will make others jealous or envious, rather, one that is an example of a great and growing relationship.
With so many failing relationships, it is getting difficult for our youth to even see what a good relationship looks like. The examples they get to learn from these days are the reality shows that are on TV or social media. As unrealistic as those shows are, they portray certain behaviors that become acceptable through desensitization.
The youth then tries to engage in a relationship and applies all that they learned from the reality show only to find that they can’t build a lasting or meaningful relationship this way. Whether we have kids or not, we can still set a good example for others; we can set a benchmark.
We can show others that we love each other by being courteous and respectful to each other, by being affectionate and romantic, by being selfless, and by using positive and encouraging words.
And hey, even if no one is watching, these are all great ways to earn some brownie points and make the relationship that much better.
We can inspire others to try the same things in their relationships that will result in growth for them too.
9. Make good choices together
For this section, I will pick on the finances primarily. This is because too many couples are trying to have a great relationship while carrying tremendous debt.
Money is the biggest culprit in broken relationships in North America these days, and it doesn’t have to be. By shifting focus away from blame and towards solutions, the couple can effectively come up with a strategy to eliminate the debt and start a new chapter.
We have debt. We have carried debt since we got married. For the past four years now, we haven’t taken on any new debt as we are tired of living under the pressures of debt. The only way to get out of debt is to stop taking on more. This is something we eventually learned, but the consequences of our purchases will remain for some time with us.
We struggled and fought because of debt. It didn’t help us in any way, nor did it build our relationship up. Did it make us more resilient and durable? Maybe, but couldn’t we have just learned from others? It’s easy to look back and see where we went wrong, but it’s not always helpful.
I encourage couples today who are trying to live with debt to stop the cycle. There is an amazing life for you and your partner that includes debt-free living. I know this because I know several happy couples who are debt free. But it’s a choice and it takes time and commitment. Depriving ourselves of certain luxuries can be difficult, but only until we start to see the benefits of saving cash and paying upfront.
Whatever the choices are that are necessary for growing your healthy relationship, work together to come to a solution. Think through each thing and try to anticipate the outcome of the decision; will it get us where we want to be? Will it help our relationship or hurt it? Will we be better off if we wait until we can pay with cash?
10. Have a plan for everything
Along with making good decisions, the couple who wants a healthy and growing relationship should get good at making plans.
We, as couples, should set certain relationship goals together, and our daily actions and attitudes should be those that will ultimately yield the results we desire. Living together and lasting as a couple for a few years or many years is difficult if we don’t put in the effort.
The relationship is a living thing that needs to grow. By planning things like romantic evenings, or adventures, or vacations, or educating ourselves about successful relationships, we can give the relationship the best chance for survival.
If we try the “set it and forget it” method, also known as autopilot, we might not like where the relationship ends up. We must be in charge and in control. We must work together and plan for certain outcomes that we desire.
Rarely do good things just happen. We can yield good results through repeated good choices and actions, however.
We are responsible for what happens in our life, and what we get from the relationship has much to do with what effort we both put in.
The plans don’t need to be big and extravagant. Simply being attentive each day and choosing to work towards a better outcome is a good start. A successful relationship that is healthy is one that has a good balance of communication, love, romance, and intimacy, fun and excitement, trust and security, and constant growth. This doesn’t happen by accident.
Start by analyzing your own relationship with your partner and find the areas that need attention. Make it your goal together to learn and work in that area to make it better.
If your relationship isn’t exciting or is struggling, try incorporating the things in this article. Broken relationships can be healed through effort and time. This happens when good experiences start to outweigh the bad. However, this also requires a “forgive and forget” attitude while both agree to move on and start anew.
I understand that there are many, many situations in life that are going to interfere with building an amazing relationship. Regardless of our best efforts, some external force can derail our best plans. What we must also understand is that we don’t need to let difficult circumstances destroy our relationships.
If a relationship is growing and is healthy, it will withstand the forces against it. But this takes effort from the couple together; one in the relationship can’t be expected to carry the whole load.
If you have any tips or experiences you would find helpful to others, please leave a comment as there are many couples who could use some inspiration and encouragement and some ideas for growing an exciting relationship.
How to get your spouse to hear you, by Mort Fertel.