With work-life and home-life being so demanding, it’s really easy for a couple to lose touch with each other. So, what can couples do to ignite a spark in their love-life when there are so many other pressures going on around them?
Finding the perfect balance between work, family, and romance might sound like a fairy tale. However, with some creativity and effort, it is possible to be playful and romantic together while keeping the house together. This article offers many ideas that are sure to lead to something more.
When we get into a relationship, we have certain ideals for how we see our life going with that person. Romance is surely on the forefront, with great homes and finances following closely behind. In time, pressures of life take over and changes around our ideal on us, leaving us with some other scenario we never wanted.
What’s worse, we get to a point where there simply isn’t time to be romantic. We get stressed out, which leads to arguments and silent treatments. But this isn’t what we want; it’s just the way it plays out, right?
What is important to understand is that we must be in full control. We must also be ultra-aware of our conditions and states. This means we must understand the moods and emotions of our partner and choose the right responses and reactions that won’t escalate a situation in a negative way, but rather, in a way that shows them that we support them and are there for them.
This way, instead of the evening ending in a fight due to pride, it has a chance for the couple to move into a more enjoyable scene.
Romance is important for healthy relationships
Who said romance has to die after the honeymoon phase? It surely can, but it doesn’t have to. It won’t be automatic and will often require some effort to keep alive, but it comes down to relationship standards.
A couple must be willing to set certain standards for their relationship that allows for all needs to be met. This includes the need for intimacy. We are only fooling ourselves if we say that we don’t need affection and intimacy anymore.
The best gift about a relationship is being able to enjoy each other and building a long life together that is filled with much pleasure. Why do so many couples insist on spending the majority of hours together fighting and bickering over little things when they could be out experiencing new interesting things and being adventurous.
I’ve been married for more than twenty years to my wife, so if it seems like I’m stuck in the first-date-head-in-the-clouds-love-struck mode, I can assure you I have passed that stage. However, my wife and I have learned that with or without romance, pressures in life still exist. So, why not keep the romance alive and at least have something to look forward to in life, right?
We are effectively creating an environment where being together is our “happy place.” This means, regardless of how difficult our day at work was, or no matter what went wrong for us, when we reunite after work or whatever, we feel happy and safe and able to relax and unwind together.
We have learned that engaging in romance and intimacy are great ways to let go of stress and tension. And hey, in case someone needs another reason to get intimate with their partner, it is a known fact that when we live without stress and pressure in our life, we function better and sleep better, which leads to healthier living.
How to get romantic when the romance has died
Some couples have moved into a position in their relationship where there is little to no intimacy. When there is, it’s get-in, get-out, and move on with the day just to release pressure. I suppose some intimacy is better than none, but that couple is missing out on a lot of fun together.
“Well, he isn’t romantic; he just lays around watching TV and expecting me to serve him,” or, “Well, she never does her hair or make-up and dresses in raggedy clothing around the house.”
It’s true; we get complacent in our home-life and we let things slide. This issue is the result of both in the relationship and not just the one who is doing it. Why? Because, a relationship is a two-way union, and as we both must live in the relationship, both are responsible to speak up and make known any issues that are causing discomfort.
If we let a situation get to a point where it’s bordering on intolerable, we must take action immediately to talk with our partner and let them know how we feel. The important thing to note here is that we can’t just get on them and give them some ultimatums; rather, we should lovingly tell them how it affects us and that we are willing to make some changes for them too.
At this point, the daily effort will be required by both to start showing affection and courtesy towards each other and find ways to make the other feel attractive and attracted to us. If we know what it is that is causing them to lose attraction towards us, we can omit that and replace it with an action that makes them feel good about themselves.
That said, sometimes life really knocks us down and our relationship needs help now, if this is your relationship I recommend to look into this resource by Mort Fertel, 7 Secrets to Fixing Your Marriage. Mort has one of the highest success rates in helping couples to fix and restore their broken marriages.
15 Things couples can do to revive the romance and set the mood
I have 30 activities that couples can do to get in the mood for romance and intimacy, however, I will only be sharing 15 of them in this article. I have made part 2 which includes the other 15. These aren’t necessarily in any order but can be effective for many couples. Some methods I list are mood-setters, and some are sure to result in steamy action.
Relationships require this kind of stuff. I’m not trying to write in a way that encourages tasteless or unappealing actions, but rather, to encourage couples to embrace each other often and develop an intense love-life that creates an unbreakable bond together.
The relationship is too valuable to neglect. When we don’t do these things, emotions and needs go unfilled, and the risk of needing to have the needs filled elsewhere becomes possible. Let’s read through this list and see if we can find some ways to ignite a spark and start building a strong love-life.
The first fifteen ideas:
- Watch romantic comedy movies
- Romantic dinner at a nice restaurant
- Bubble bath with candle light
- Passionate kissing
- Sunset watching
- Fantasize about each other
- Exercise together
- Dress nicely for each other
- Give each other foot massages
- Be playful and tickle them
- Fantasize about the most romantic getaway
- Go on a couple’s cruise
- Get a hotel room with a hot tub
- Be playful in the mornings
- Cuddle up on a blanket in front of the fireplace
1. Watch romantic comedy movies
Romantic comedies are a great way to unwind and lighten up. Some couples might not be into the sappy love stories, and that is fine. Not everything on this list is for everyone.
My wife and I however, enjoy these types of movies. Of course, I like to pretend to be all macho and say, “Ah, let’s watch an action movie instead,” but deep down, I enjoy the funny movies that end in happiness.
In most cases, the movie leaves us feeling light and tingly and inspired for romance. This might be because we got the focus off ourselves for a while or maybe because the couple on screen induced a certain emotion of playfulness, adventure, and possibility within us.
Either way, put it to the test. Set the macho aside and grab a box of tissues. Most romantic comedies will spike many emotions, but the end result is usually a mood of romance.
We like to reach for the romantic-comedy variety because laughter is a great stress-reducer. I’m not sure we’ve ever watched a romance-only movie; hmm, maybe someday I suppose.
Also, romance doesn’t always need to lead to intimacy. Healthy relationships are made of a mixture of many actions and emotions. We can be playful and romantic and just have fun too. Try to do away with any pressure and just have some fun together.
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2. Enjoy a romantic dinner at a nice restaurant
Okay, so fast food won’t work for this. The idea is to find a nice restaurant that is more on the formal side. This is because we want to be able to hear each other and not be distracted by others.
Often, the nicer restaurants will be dimly lit and might have soft music playing. These all help set a tone for romance.
It is also possible to order dishes to share, such as desserts. There is something romantic about sharing a sweet dessert with someone special.
Getting out and trying different foods can be fun. If romance is on the itinerary, try to avoid foods that will upset the stomach or leave an aftertaste. Sometimes trying foods from different cultures can be quite enjoyable, but we aren’t always able to handle different spices and such.
A simple search online can yield some great results for what foods encourage romance and what types prevent romance.
If a fancy restaurant isn’t in the budget, the home dining room will suffice. Find a sitter for the kids and go all-out on tidying up and decorating with table cloths and candles and dim lights. This might even be more ideal as the couple can be more, you know, romantic.
Leave the dishes for the morning and maintain the mood over a romantic comedy. Sometimes it takes a while to let loose and warm up, so let’s avoid anything that will turn the mood cold.
3. Enjoy a bubble bath with candle light
Hey, I didn’t say all these would be original. Bubble baths are relaxing. They aren’t only enjoyed by women either. So, why not sink below the bubbles together and relax amidst the candlelight?
This is much more enjoyable when the tub is oversized or a soaker tub, however, most can be made to work. Again, there doesn’t have to be much going on here; simply, sitting with each other closely within caressing range is a great way to get the focus on each other and away from the stressful thoughts of the day.
A soapy back rub or foot massage is most enjoyable and mood enhancing. There are certain salts or bubble bath solutions that can help the skin to feel smooth and smell nice and these should be used, provided there are no allergies.
It’s also good to mute the phones and any other forms of distractions as this is quality time for the couple. This is the time to talk about what we love about each other. Maybe, it’s a time to just sit quietly and relax while sponging each other.
The other reason this is a great way to start some intimacy is that most people are more turned on by good hygiene and clean fragrances.
So, why not save some water and share some bubbles with your partner this week?
4. Engage in passionate kissing
We should always be hugging and kissing each day as relationship partners. This is the way that we keep a feeling of love and attraction at the forefront of our minds. But what happens when the kiss lasts longer than a couple seconds?
Thoughts of passion and excitement. That’s what.
How often do you grab hold of your partner and spend a good few minutes of passionate kissing? Can you remember the last time you did? Is this something people do only in the beginning stages of dating before things get more serious?
Regardless of what point the relationship is at, this should occur often. There is no good reason why a couple shouldn’t engage in an all-out moment of kissing passion. Don’t be afraid to do this in the morning before work as it gives both something to think about during the day.
5. Sunset watching is still romantic
Some couples will really enjoy this, and others won’t get so much from it. However, there is something calming and relaxing about sitting lakeside with our partner in our arms watching the sky change a million different colors. The birds and the moving water all add to the environment and emotion.
This is a great time to reminisce with each other or think about future ideas. Why not imagine everything in its perfect state and ignore any realities that say it isn’t possible.
When we are kids, we can’t wait to be adults. When we are adults, we long to be kids again. Well, we can pretend with our partner, if even only for a few minutes, that we can be anything and go anywhere. We can let our imaginations run wild.
Fortunately, sunsets happen everywhere. Sure, they might look more beautiful in tropical places, but nonetheless, they can still be enjoyed from just about anywhere.
Find a nice lake setting or climb a big hill to watch the sunset. After the sun goes down, you can enjoy a nice view of the city lights too.
6. Fantasize about each other
Again, for some of these ideas, we must let our imaginations run. We must be willing to forget about bills and debt and promotions and other goals and just focus on each other for a while.
We can effectively picture our partners being affectionate and intimate with us and we can get our own minds fired up. We can also talk to each other about these things and what we see them doing to us. This is a great way to get both minds engaged in romantic creativity.
Fantasizing doesn’t have to be distasteful or cross any boundaries. We can fantasize about our own partner in a healthy way that encourages even deeper feelings for them. Think about other times of romance and pleasure with them and build on that. Remind them of things they once did early on in the relationship that really moved you and encourage more of the same.
Sometimes we must coach our partners as we can all become forgetful of what once worked well. Some couples might engage in forms of role playing or costumes, however, I do caution this because we want to be careful to create a strong attraction and bond with our partner and not with a fantasy character.
7. Exercising together strengthens the bond
Exercise is a great way to unwind and reduce tension. Our partner is a great choice when it comes to finding someone to exercise with. There is something about exercising together and doing cardio with them that encourages thoughts of attraction and romance.
Perhaps it’s watching them get sweaty and move in certain ways that they don’t normally, or maybe, it’s the anticipation of sharing a shower afterward or soaking in a hot tub together.
Whatever it is, releasing endorphins together is a fun way for couples to get healthy together, to spend time with each other, and to grow in attraction for one another.
I personally love jogging, and especially love when my wife would jog with me. There are many forms of exercise a couple can do together to shed some pounds and strengthen their bond. Even cycling is great because the couple can get out and see more of the community or travel to distant renowned cycling locations.
Ever thought of traveling to an exotic location to ride along the beach and settle in the sand afterward and soak up the sunset?
8. Dress nicely for each other
I realize that the last thing we want to do is wear our fancy work clothes even longer. However, many couples would do well to go out of their way to dress up for their partner once in a while. This doesn’t need to be a daily occurrence, but a couple times per month would satisfy one’s desire.
This is a great way to encourage a stronger attraction from them to us. Man or woman, there are certainly ways that we can do ourselves up for our partner.
It might be getting a nice haircut or style, seductive makeup, perfect grooming, a nice suit or dress, or maybe their favorite fragrance.
Whatever it is, this shows that we want to look good for them. Sometimes, we must spell it out for them and straight-up tell them that we wanted to look nice for them because we love them and feel that they deserve it.
If this hasn’t been done in a long time, it’s possible that we won’t simply get the reaction we were hoping for. Instead of fishing for compliments, use this time to make them feel good and arouse their interest through playfulness.
9. Give each other foot massages
Okay, so I’m not a foot guy, however, I am aware that our feet contain many nerves that connect everywhere. This means, even the most under-skilled guy should be able to rub his woman’s feet and strike some mood-enhancing nerve.
Now, if a person really wants to earn some brownie-points and set a mood, he or she can do a bit of research on what part of the foot affects what part of the body.
Using certain oils will help with the massaging process. Of course, as mentioned above, a bubble bath is a great time to do this too. Whatever the case, try it and watch them sink into deep relaxation. The massage doesn’t have to stop at the feet, but even if it does, it’s a good way to help our partner de-stress after a difficult day.We have found an awesome site for learning couples massage that is "PG" and highly recommended for connecting with your partner Melt:Massage for couples and don't forget to pick up massage oil: Melt Sensual Massage Oil + Free Couples Massage Tutorials.
10. Be playful and tickle them
I personally feel like I am going to die when someone tickles me, however, my wife seems to love it. I’m not saying that tickling leads to intimacy, but it might.
If your partner really doesn’t like being tickled, avoid this step and move on. But if they do like it, or you haven’t seen them smile in a while and want to force some laughter, climb on top of them to neutralize them and let them have it.
They will surely let go of some tension during this exercise, which might lighten their mood and lead to something more.
Laughing is said to be the best medicine. We must find a way to get our daily dose. If your partner is too stiff and needs to lighten up, try getting playful with them and making them laugh for a while.
11. Fantasize about the most romantic getaway
This is more of that childish imagining that I was talking about. There should be no boundaries here. Talk about where you both want to go; what you both want to do.
Talk about how warm and soft the sand would feel or how clear and refreshing the water would be. Talk about the food you would eat or the drinks you would enjoy.
Don’t hold back. This is playful and it is good for the mind. Sure, it’s possible we will never go there or do that, but for now, who cares! Just have some fun.
While on this topic, why not set out to make a plan to actually go to one of these places sometime in the future? Most people get holidays from work. It’s possible to set aside a few hundred dollars each month in a fund for travel. Who knows, maybe this could be a reality next year!
12. Go on a couple’s cruise
To add to the vacation hotspot, many couples go on romantic cruises. Sometimes, these cruises are designed specifically for couples and cater to creating a perfect environment for romance and intimacy.
Be sure your partner and yourself both enjoy boats and constant movement, or this could be the vacation that went wrong. My wife doesn’t like cruise ships whereas I do. We must find compromises and do that instead. She is a team-player and said that she might entertain the idea, but knowing that it isn’t her favorite, I doubt I’ll do that to her.
However, the benefit to these types of events is that there are often speakers and teachers and entertainers who help couples grow closer together. We are wise to pick up relationship tools anywhere we can.
13. Get a hotel room with a hot tub
I suppose this is like climbing into a bath together, and although I’m not trying to repeat myself here, I want to emphasize on the tub in the hotel room. This is often different than the bathtub in the bathroom.
Most hotels will have a jacuzzi suite that has a large jetted tub right in the main room. This is nice as the couple can sit comfortably together just relaxing or even watch a movie together while being playful in the jacuzzi.
This comes at an extra cost, but we find it to be worth it. What’s nice is this often replaces the need to go down to the public pool in the hotel where it’s generally cramped and noisy.
14. Be playful in the mornings
To add to the long passionate kissing sessions that might take place in the morning, why not do so before even climbing out of bed?
This doesn’t have to be a full-out love session, but rather just some playful behavior. Who says this kind of stuff has to wait until night? Many of us have the most energy first thing in the morning.
Of course, there are people who will say, “Don’t engage in sex before work because you won’t be focused or whatever.”
I say let that be their practice. As for the rest of us, take every opportunity to enjoy each other and have some fun. Now, I don’t encourage activity that will cause someone to be late for work, as I am all about avoiding negative consequences, but why not give our partner a little taste of what they can expect later that evening?
15. Cuddle up on a blanket in front of the fireplace
Now, this only works if you have a fireplace, right? There are alternative options available but will take some planning.
If your home doesn’t come equipped with a fireplace, there is a couple things we can do. If the real thing isn’t necessary, there are literally fireplace videos online that can be played on the big screen in our living rooms. Of course, we might have to put a little heater beside us to simulate the heat, but it can still be fun and imaginative.
Another option is to rent a cabin or a room that has a fireplace. This is a common thing for outdoor couples to do. Getting out and renting a cabin in the woods while getting in some nice nature walking and hiking are great ways to unhitch from the mainstream society and rat race.
Throw a bunch of pillows and blankets on the floor close to the fire and get cuddly together. Talk about fun and exciting things. Be dreamy. Avoid the heavy talk as this is time to bond and enjoy each other’s company.
In this first part of this two-part article, I have offered fifteen ways for a couple to get romantic with each other. As not every idea will work for every couple, I have decided to give thirty ideas. Surely one or two will strike a chord for someone.
The important thing to remember is the relationship is our responsibility and will be whatever we make of it. It can be dull and boring or steamy and exciting. We might need to put some undesirable situations or memories behind us and choose to focus on something better, but the relationship should be worth it.
If you have any helpful comments to share with others, please leave a comment below for others to enjoy. Tune in to part 2 of this article, here.
How to get your spouse to hear you, by Mort Fertel.